WHO I AM ~ MELISSA
Being a teenager.
My entire life, I struggled with my self image and how others perceived me. When I was younger, I would sit back and watch other people and how they acted, because I couldn't wrap my head around why people didn't like me. I started creating an image of myself that I thought people would like, in hopes that maybe someone would like me. As soon as I turned 13, it got worse, I started obsessing with my image so I would blend in, I hated standing out, meant that more people would notice my personality, which meant more people hated me. I knew a lot of people didn't like themselves, but for me it was almost like my entire mind was different, like I didn't think like anyone else and people didn't like that. Recently I started thinking of myself better, thinking better things and improving my self esteem. I started dressing nicer, and buying clothes that I liked. For my 16th birthday, my mother organized a surprise birthday present for me, on the day of the “arrival” we drove into town so mum could reveal the surprise. I was feeling very nervous because I had no idea what to expect, but was very pleasantly surprised when we had arrived at the studio.
Being able to move on from past experiences is a huge thing I want to work on at the moment, I want to be able to just think back and not cringe every time I think of them. There are lots of things I wish to have changed, but they happened, and I would like to learn that it's okay. I am getting better now, I no longer have to care about what I did or didn't do. I would like to learn to just make new experiences and enjoy them with the people around me. Another thing would be to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. My interests keep changing and it's really hard to pick something and stay down that path. So far I would like to be a therapist for children but who knows, maybe I will lose interest in doing that and choose something else, we will see. Which reminds me, doing assignments are also a struggle, not because they are hard or I don't want to do them, it's just that it's the struggle to get started. I can't just pick up a pencil and start writing, it actually takes lots of will to be able to start, and trying to learn ways to be able to start is something that matters to me at the moment.
